Longshot & Smellerbee Odd Shipping Madness
by Jesus.Lives
Summary: As per Ebiltoblerone's challenge on the LJ community, here are our drabbles. Longshot x Meng, The Herbalist, Boscoe... more.... Smellerbee x Ty Lee, Zuko, Iroh, Long Feng... Keep watch as the weirdness continues.
1. Chapter 1

**_So Very Wrong... Odd Couplings..._**  
For Ebbie's challenge, here are my picks. **Smellerfeng** (or should that also be Longerbee too?) and **Lonsco.**

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**Smellerfeng (cause it's so... so... wrong)**

The small, frail girl in front of him, that would knowingly kill for him at command was a little comfort, after enduring another day of Azula's demasculinizing.

He visited this cell often, taking refuge in the fact he could break her out whenever to do his will, although for the present his will was mainly to be kept behind closed doors and away for watchful eyes.

"Hello Smellerbee" he said, brushing a hand along her cheek where the war paint stripes still glowed in the dark of the cell.

Sullen eyes beheld him, and it sent a shiver down his spine at just how much life had been sucked out of her since he caught them.

He had no need for the boy. For all Long Feng cared he could have been rotting in his cell somewhere.  
But she... she held special interest for him. She was a fighter, and she went kicking and screaming to the depths of Lake Laogai.

Her knife between her teeth, Long Feng used his hand to tip her head back and observe her, her face dirty from their surroundings.

She wasn't going to be another Joo Dee, she was going to be something special. Long fingers brushed over her hair and she glared back.

If she knew who she was, he knew she would have been so accepting of what he was doing with her, but that was what made it more exciting.

And at the end of the day, when he felt crushed by every boulder in the place at the remarks about his leadership - or just the mere fact he had been pushed aside out of his rightful position - this was some way to reclaim a little of what he had.  
As he bent down to her, plucking the knife from her teeth and waving it in her face as a teacher disciplining his student; his grin widened at something he knew was right for all the wrong reasons.

Azula would never know... and perhaps he could use his little warrior to dispatch of her later.

But for now his lips met hers in a satisfied smirk and he closed the cell door, fixing it shut by bending the earth around it to keep them undisturbed... as she listened to the lies he fed her and he marked her as his favorite prisoner.

---

**Longsco - cause nobody else is going to do it! (Ebbie, this is short. But meh. You try and do a longer story about a boy and a bear!)**

The bear made a guttural sound and nuzzled against the boy. He patted it on the head half-heartedly and wondered if this was what Smellerbee would've thought was going to happen when they agreed to join the Avatar on his mission.  
She was already asleep, but she'd done her share of bear-sitting for the entire afternoon.

The bear pawed at him and hit his hat sending it tipping sideways. He straightened it again as the bear went and pawed at him again, like it was some sort of a game to get his hat off.

As he straightened it out for the twelfth time, he looked stoically at the animal. "At least you don't expect me to speak" he said quietly, watching the rest of the camp at rest.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Another random couple!_**  
Yay! I couldnt resist with this one. It's Mengshot - but a very teensy amount, and it's one-sided. It kind of ends up being Longerbee - I couldnt help myself. :3

The town they had visited was nice enough. Obviously not under Fire Nation control, which was a plus. And there were many things to do; it was a nice place to relax, and heaven compared to sleeping up in a tree. For fun, they had decided to stop by the one named Aunt Wu, who was famous for her fortune telling. Jet was mildly amused, Sneers was skeptical, the Duke was innocently curious, and the same with Pipsqueak. 

Smellerbee followed along just because she was bored, and of course Longshot had agreed to do so as well, but regretted that instantly; from the moment he stepped inside, the young girl with the gravity-defying pigtails would not stop staring at him. She stumbled when she brought the group snacks, she choked on her words, and the weirdest thing of all; she commented on Longshot's ears. He had been idly reaching for a snack when she leaned down and said, voice holding nothing but admiration, "Wow – y-you've g-got some pretty b-big ears!"

He had dropped the snack he had just picked up in surprise, and Sneers actually snorted with laughter, doubling over. The archer's face had flashed bright red and he stood up, bolting from the place, his hat failing to hide his embarrassment.

Of course, the pigtailed girl followed.

And of course, so did Smellerbee.

He was confronted by the pigtailed girl not minutes after he had dashed; she cornered him by an oak, and it was all he could do to press against the trunk of the tree and hope to come out of this unscathed. She put her hands on her hips and peered up at him, beaming cheerily.

"So – do you have a name? After all, I've got to get to know you better, if you're going to be my – "

She didn't get to finish, as leaves crunched underneath somebody's foot, and the pigtailed girl turned, peering at surprise at who was interrupting. 

Smellerbee stood there for a moment, arms crossed, and though she was smirking, there was a gleam in her eyes, the gleam that Longshot often saw when she was about to throw a knife at a hog-monkey. She quickly strode past the other girl and stood beside Longshot, but before she could speak, the pigtailed girl huffed and crossed her arms, glaring.

"Are you two together? Because I've already lost one big-eared husband to a floozy, and I'm not about to lose another one!"

This caught both Freedom Fighters by surprise.

Longshot half expected his friend to laugh and push him towards the strange little girl in what could only be described as a vindictive move, probably for tripping her into the lake the week earlier; what he did NOT expect, was for Smellerbee to scowl at the younger girl and then lean up on the tips of her toes, knocking Longshot's hat clear off his head and sealing her lips over his firmly.

His eyes widened to roughly the size of a pair of dinner plates. Smellerbee pulled back and smirked at the other girl, who huffed and turned, stomping away, unable to claim her prey.

And Longshot was once more taken by surprise when Smellerbee leaned up and pressed her lips against his again. 


	3. Chapter 3

**_Ship Weirdness Continued._**  
Alright. This is supposed to be Smellerko or Zukerbee. Actually... I like Zukerbee more as the ship name. Zukerbee it is!  
Ebbie, here's the challenge... you and me are going to exhast ALL the Avatar characters we can with this pairing madness...

And... GO!

"You could have just left him alone. You didn't have to fight him!" Her finger was pressing very sharply into his chest now, as he kept shuffling backwards under her broken stare.

"And you were firebenders all along..." her palms now came in contact, as she didn't hit him but she'd stopped poking and she just rested her hands firmly on him.

She pressed on him, tears coming fast, her body beginning to tremble.

He looked at her, quite perplexed on how to handle things. Before he had any more indication it was coming, she crippled into his arms; him just catching her in time.

"You're a jerk, Lee" she wept into his clothes as he tried futily to get at an arms distance from her (where he was comfortable) without letting her go.

"All Jet wanted was to have you join us..." she sobbed harder, he stroked an awkward hand across her back with a pained expression on his face.  
Her hands grappled roughly at his back to hold on to something and she ended up slipping them up further to his shoulders.

She never had hated him, but she was looking for someone to blame. He was the first link on the chain reaction that led to the whole mess... and he was a liar all along.

He was a firebender. And Jet was dead. There was no turning back now.

Zuko heard that he was a jerk, every time he was around Katara, but it still didn't make him any more used to it.

The small girl with the stripes across her cheek pulled back from him. Her face still quivering with feeling, and gave him a hard look, like she didn't know how to feel about him, like she was struggling with the fact that she didn't hate him.

She used the hands on his shoulder to pull herself up and press her lips to his, murmering as she did so, "I don't hate you Lee."

Zuko's mind went almost blank, except for the niggling thought that perhaps he should permenantly change his name. He seemed to have a lot more luck with women as 'Lee' then he ever had as 'Zuko'. 


	4. Chapter 4

**_Random couple!_**  
Here it is - I did Ty Bee. Guess the pairing, lovelies :3  
Mild femmeslash, of course. Very mild. :3 Please to teh enjoi!

She had thought that it would be a calm day, nothing to interrupt the normal routine of foraging for food. The light wisps of smoke that rose from the center of the forest weren't enough for alarm, but still, it put Smellerbee on her guard.

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Where there's fire…

She had prayed that nothing would go wrong, but it is a well-known fact that the more you wish for something not to happen, the likelier it is to actually occur.  
She spotted the pink-clad girl first, but was spotted in turn before even being able to draw her kukri. She realized who the girl was as soon as she began to flip down through the trees, body defying all the laws of physics; the incredible acrobatic and contortionist skills marked her as one of the Fire Princess' gang, and Smellerbee knew the formidable power that this one possessed. 

On instinct, Smellerbee pulled a throwing dagger from beneath her armor and flung it. It whizzed by the acrobat's head and embedded itself in the trunk behind her, and a yelp of surprise fell from the pink-wearing girl's lips. Smellerbee hissed a curse and readied another knife, but as the girl landed gracefully on the ground and began flipping through the air, she knew it would do no good to waste her knife, as it would definitely not hit its mark. 

She wasted too much time thinking, and a second later, crippling pain shot through her arms and then her legs; she yelped and fell to the ground, limp, and could not gather enough strength to even wiggle a toe. The pain was gone almost as soon as it had occurred, but in its place, a numbness washed over her limbs.

"Why did you throw that knife at me?" Ty Lee asked, huffing and putting her hands on her hips, "That was _mean!_ I wasn't doing anything to you…"  
Smellerbee tried with all of her willpower to squirm, but all she managed was a sort of twitching motion, and she growled deep in the back of her throat, looking up at Ty Lee with a glare.

"Get the hell out of our forest, Fire Nation scum!" Smellerbee hissed, fully aware that it was a stupid move, taunting your opponent when you are clearly in no position to defend yourself. But Ty Lee merely crossed her arms and pouted.

"It's not _your_ forest, silly. You can't _own_ a forest. I was just relaxing up there in the trees. You know it's rude to throw things? That could have actually _hit_ me! Well, I think it might have…It was a poor shot. I mean, no offense – I bet you could hit me if I was _closer_, but you know, you're not as good as Mai. Hmmm…I wonder what she's up to, anyways. Probably sitting around and being angsty…it can get really aggravating sometimes, putting up with her, but at least _she's_ better company than Azula. The Princess can get pretty scary sometimes…Oh, but you _mustn't_ tell her that I said that! She'd get really, _really _mad at me and I'd be in big trouble. Promise you won't tell? _Please?" _

All of this was more or less said in one breath, and Smellerbee was robbed of her words as she listened to the incessant babble from the cheery acrobat. Smellerbee gaped openly for a moment, before Ty Lee put her hands on her knees and bent at the waist, face close to the other girl's. 

"Hey, why don't you take that armor off?" She asked, smirking cheekily, "I bet you're really cute."  
Smellerbee's eyes widened and she scowled, cheeks reddening.  
"I'm a **_GIRL!_**" 

"I _know_, silly," Ty Lee said, airily waving a hand, "Your skin looks too soft for you to be anything but. And besides, you're cute."  
The Freedom Fighter blinked in surprise, not knowing what to feel – freaked out, angry, or flattered.

"Buh…Uh…I…" She spluttered, and Ty Lee giggled, leaning down further.  
"Aw…_Shy?"_ She whispered, and Smellerbee attempted to wriggle around, but only managed to twitch again. Ty Lee giggled once more and leaned down, sealing her lips over the other girl's and further robbing the Freedom Fighter of her words.

Smellerbee had no time to properly react to the feeling of another set of soft, full lips on hers; an arrow whizzed by and hit the ground near Ty Lee's feet, and the acrobat squeaked and pulled away, looking in surprise behind her.

Ty Lee put her hands on her hips and pouted at the young man who pushed his way through the underbrush, groping for another arrow.  
"What's up with everybody in this forest and throwing things at me? Is it _Pick On Ty Lee Day_ or something? Hey…you're kinda cute, too! Why don't you take off that hat of yours and – "

But another arrow narrowly missed her ear; she giggled, cartwheeling away and disappearing past a cluster of trees.  
Longshot stood there in silence for a moment before stalking towards Smellerbee and kneeling down. With hesitance, he prodded the girl's arm. Half to see if she had any feeling in her limbs, and half because her blank, half-lidded eyes and the slightest upturn of her lips were beginning to make him nervous. 


	5. Chapter 5

**_Sick and Wrong Couples Mark #2_**  
I'm letting the olds have a go. It's Smelleroh/Irerbee and Longerbalist (The Herbalist, guys)...

I had to. Try not to laugh. :D

Iroh had just gotten up to make a rest stop, when he felt a small hand clamp around his mouth and the steel of a blade on his neck.

He had to steady himself from the rocking of the ferry, as the thin figure pushed him back into the corner.

Her teeth glinted in the moonlight and she released the knife that was to his throat.

"I'm going to make it so you never call me a 'young man' again" she sneered and grabbed his collar.

Iroh gulped, but he thought he'd hear her out... knowing that her proving she was a girl was not necessarily a bad thing...

He just hoped Zuko was still asleep while she showed off her 'womanhood' to him.

---

Hot with a fever, Longshot's bloodshot eyes looked up at the woman he was brought to for help.

She pottered around with some bitter smelling aromas and went back to tend to her paitent, while Smellerbee waited outside.

"There is one thing I could do for you..." the old woman said finally, glancing him over and removing the top layer of his clothes. "But you're not going to like it."

Longshot tried to murmer 'anything' but it came out more like a grunt.

Of course, he regretted it when the old, heavy woman got on top of him and bent herself down.

"This medicine you can only get from old bones" she said seductivly as Longshot promptly passed out.


	6. Chapter 6

**_More Freedom Fighter love_**  
Another strange coupling, Dukebee. Inspired by boomeraang and mothering Smellerbee.

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Smellerbee sat in Longshot's tent with him, sharpening her blade against a rock as he examined his bow. Both would occasionally glance up at each other, smile and then look back down. After ten minutes of this, Smellerbee finally got tired of it and sheathed her dagger.  
"Longshot, get over here." She told him and Longshot was too happy to comply. He took a seat next to Smellerbee and she didn't waste moment of her time. Swiftly, she ripped his hat off and tossed it away, then quickly captured his lips with hers.  
"Smellerbee!" The cry interrupted their tender moment and Smellerbee pulled away from Longshot as a younger boy entered the tent. Both blushed slightly, hoping that The Duke hadn't seen their kiss. However, the child seemed not to notice and instead, The Duke launched himself onto Smellerbee, wailing loudly.  
"What's wrong Duke?" Smellerbee asked as he sniffled and wrapped his arms around her neck, his head buried in her chest.  
"I had a bad dream." He muttered and Smellerbee gave him a comforting smile, her hand stroking the back of his head.  
"It was just a dream, don't worry about it." She said soothingly and The Duke wailed louder.  
"But… the Fire Nation were there and…" He said, choking slightly on his tears. Except, Longshot could see that no tears were streaming down The Duke's face.  
"Don't worry Duke. The Fire Nation isn't here." Smellerbee said giving him a tight hug. She looked to Longshot, who raised an eyebrow sceptically. The Duke continued his act, crying loudly as his arms tightened around Smellerbee's neck.  
"I'm going to go to The Duke's tent with him. I'll be back soon." She said, getting to her feet. She carried The Duke in her arms, still whispering comforting words to him. He continued to wail softly, his head resting on her shoulder.  
"Can I sleep with you in your tent tonight, Smellerbee?" He asked with a slight sniffle and Smellerbee agreed, giving him another hug. The Duke looked up from Smellerbee's shoulder as she hugged him and with a triumphant smirk, he stuck his tongue out at Longshot.  
"Thanks Smellerbee." The Duke sighed, before snuggling his face closer to Smellerbee's. Longshot could only watch as the two exited, with a slight sigh. It was the fifth night in a row that The Duke had pulled that trick and he would probably do the same the next night.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Will I ever stop? Maybe, probably... hopefully._**  
Yay for more insanity! Zushot for everyone, featuring talking Longshot! I swear, I'll start writing Smellershot soon.

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Longshot sat at the back of the teashop, watching the two familiar refugees with a hidden smile. Jet was probably going to realise that he wasn't in the bathroom back at the house anytime now and there was only so long that Smellerbee could distract him before he decided to go back out to watch the so-called Firebenders. Still, Longshot needed to come see him.  
"Sir, your tea…" Longshot glanced up to see Lee, who looked surprised to see the Freedom Fighter. He just about dropped the kettle he was holding, but managed to hold on. A slight smile crossed Longshot's face as he nodded to Lee, who then poured him another cup of tea.  
"I'm sorry about Jet." Longshot whispered in Lee's ear as he leaned over to pass him the tea. Lee straightened out immediately as Longshot calmly took a sip of his tea.  
"You talked." Lee pointed out and Longshot shrugged slightly as he took another sip of tea.  
"You Firebended on your date last night." He said, in a tone low enough so that only Lee could hear him. His eyes widened in shock and this time, he did drop the kettle, which immediately shattered on the floor.  
"Nephew!" His uncle scolded Lee, who still looked at Longshot in horror.  
"How did you-"  
"I've been patroling you, since Jet is gone. You should be more careful." Longshot said casually, though he wore an amused smirk. At this, he got to his feet and passed his empty cup to Lee.  
"My lips are sealed." Longshot whispered into his ear before kissing his cheek and exiting the teashop.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Ewww..._**  
I had to write this.  
I just had to. XD

It's Zhaoshot - yes, I know, squicky! That, and it's dark. So...Read at your own discretion, folks.

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The shackles bit hard into his wrists, making the flesh raw; drawing new blood that coated what had already dried over the once pale, but now reddened skin. His clothes lay in a pile in the corner of the room, and the cool air nipped at his body, causing irrepressible shivers to run through him, drawing goosebumps over his forearms.

The man towered over him, smirking cruelly, amber eyes gleaming maliciously in the dull light of the room. Longshot had never seen a man more feral in his life; Though the Admiral wore quite regal silks and armor, he was nothing more than a beast, a rutting animal, no better than the tiger-bears that stalked through the archer's forest home. And the way he was looking down at the younger boy made shudders run through the archer's body; the gleam in the Admiral's eyes was predatory and frightening. _Hungry_.

"So you think you and your filthy little friends can hide in the trees forever? Mess with my troops, steal our supplies, cause chaos?" Each word was rough, a throaty growl, and Longshot looked down; unable to even meet those shining eyes.

A broad palm struck him upside the head, with enough force to send him sprawling if he wasn't chained to the wall. He felt the skin split just above his temple and warm liquid began to trickle down the side of his face, slowly, the droplets beading over the alabaster skin.

He fell limp against his shackles, and that heavy hand tangled in his cropped hair, pulling him as close to the man as his chains would allow.

Hot breath on his face.

The man was an element personified.

"I'll teach you to mess with _me_," He whispered into Longshot's ear; Longshot felt the man's sideburns graze against his cheek before the Admiral dipped his head down and bit into the archer's pale, unclothed shoulder.

And just like an animal, he claimed his prey; marked his territory.


End file.
